Sunday, March 05, 2006
so freakn tired today.
well since i didnt blog yesterday, i shall blog today =). michelles birthday yesterday =) hope you like the present michelle and make it useful! ;)
as the night went on, it wasnt so great and to start with susan, helen and i took about 2 hours just to get to the park and omlord it involved so much walking!
got to the party pretty late, saw some people i havent seen in pretty long.
i gotta say, for a celebration last night wasn't so great for me i guess its cause i had things on my mind and it still is there. not matter how hard or how much i try to block out all these negative thoughts, it still is there and wouldnt go away, and what kills me most is that its having impact on me.
i hate the fact that this is happening a fourth time, it's happened 3 times already and yet we still turn back to eachother. i want to pour my heart out to you yet im unsure of what we had is still there. i know our relationship is strong enough to get through this roough time, but then at the same time you have so much to worry abt and im only contributing where i should be helping. i want to be sure of what i want to do and atm my mind is everywhere, i cant do my work or eat because i dont feel like it, and whats causing this? its my thoughts of you, me and us. its selfish of me thinking about myself, i know but when we agreed to give this a third chance i was so sure that it wouldnt be like this, or maybe we wouldnt have to face these issues again. its hard to say at times i wish i had never met you, but then when i rethink to myself in meeting you, i learnt so much, about loving someone and being loved. you taught me alot and i thankyou. you do mean alot to me and i hope its vice versa to you.and guess what? it feels like we're playing a game and we're back at square one. i love you and i love you so much, but why does it feel like this. i guess love gives you happiness and the side affects of it is pain. and i think im facing the side affects at the moment. i need to think to
myself let go or hold on?
loves, melinda myanh nguyen
once loved.
1:26 PM
